How many times, I wonder, have I said, "If I only knew then what I know now, I would have done things so differently."
I just caught myself thinking it again about something. Not anything really important, but just that thought crossed my mind.
I've thought it a couple different times lately with regard to the mountain bike I bought. If I only knew a year ago that I would have gotten into it like I have, I would have purchased a higher end bicycle... one with rear suspension and higher quality shifters, derailleurs, and brakes. But as my friend at the bike store reminded me, there wasn't any way to know. Not that the bicycle I bought was not a good one, it is just that there are things I've learned since that would have affected the decision I made at the time.
I know I have thought it many times over the past couple years regarding some really stupid choices I was making a few years ago; thoughts about quitting on God, my marriage, my kids, and my church. I got burned out on the boring doldrums of day-to-day life. I was looking to see what my life was about. Had I done anything worthwhile? Was I a success or was I a failure? I was trying to find my worth in the world. The events of September 11, 2001 kind of kicked it off. All of a sudden everything that I thought had been secure, wasn't feeling so secure any more. I thought I might be able to find my self-worth somewhere else, maybe with someone else. --- Lot's of nonsense really. Thankfully God kept me and showed me very clearly how foolishly I was thinking and acting. Thankfully He also restored all that I had considered throwing away. I have since seen through eyes of His Spirit how much would have been, not just lost, but destroyed. So now, with 20-20 hindsight, I look back and can say "If I only knew then what I know now, I sure would have done it differently."
Of course God knows and I have to remind myself of that.
So now I am trying to be attentive to those times when I am apt to utter the phrase, or even to think it, that I am to take every thought captive unto the obedience of Christ Jesus and demolish every lofty thought and speculation that would raise itself up against God...
Thankfully, every time I consider "If I only knew...", it just means I've learned something important and I need to be mindful of the lessons that God teaches me through the life He has given me to live. I'm pretty sure He meant for me to live it in fullness. After all Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has a plan for our lives that include a future and a hope.
-- This is something that I'm glad I already know!
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2 comments:
Interesting thoughts. I've struggled with that myself from time to time. It's interesting seeing how God walks us through things by His grace, not needing us - how He keeps us.
I'm so glad God got ahold of your heart. Six years ago... it's been a while. Those were hard years, but seeing how God has redeemed, has restored since then, is wonderful. It's amazing to me how He has blessed our family since then - the testimony of His grace made so real to everyone around us.
Love you!
David - this touches deep inside my heart. It's a circle, you know. You cannot choose God unless He enables you to do so; God will not force us to choose Him - He gives us the freedom to choose.
You chose Him; He enabled you, and you said Yes to God. And, thankfully, you will never have to know what it would have been like had you said No.
Your God, your beautiful and incredible wife, your amazing kids ... it seems that's all, but it's so much broader than that ... and ripples through space and time in ways you will never, never know.
And, yes, the choice to choose God is continuous ... the battle is fierce ... Satan is ravenous and unrelenting ... and we must continuously choose to allow God to enable us to take our thoughts captive and redirect our hearts and minds and thoughts and bodies toward Him ... again.
Those were rough years ... but you listened to Him. It would have been easier, at that time, to leave. It's HARD to stay in there, VERY HARD. But you did it; you did it.
Cover your beautiful wife every day with your prayers and love and affection and attention. Cover your children every day with Your leadership and example and, overall, your love and prayers. Cover your grandchildren and great grandchildren and great, great granchildren every day with your prayers. God doesn't need us to pray to Him; we need us to pray to Him. It keeps us focused on who He is; on who we are not.
The ripples through space and time for choosing God will be countless. But here's one ... and I know Kerry and Chris will read this, too ... you, Kerry, and Chris have blessed me in ways the three of you will never, ever know. I was about to email the three of you, then I read this post. So, here's my email ... thank you. Thank you for staying in there and loving your wife and kids like crazy. Because you did, you have all three become an incredible blessing to me. You all will never know how much your prayers and comments mean to me ... till you stand before Jesus and He sets fire to your life ... and then you will see ... for it will not burn.
Ame
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